Its Not Your Fault.

It's not my fault, its not my fault. But somehow, it is. If i am made the problem, don't i eventually become the problem? Regardless of if i originally was a mere scapegoat or an object used for the projection of anger and humiliation, do i not eventually become the indirect cause of further anger? Was it not expected that after years of convincing me that i am nothing more than a worthless, selfish flaw, atleast a part of my personality would cringe and twist into the form of that imaginary being? Is it not natural for my mental health along with my selfesteem to detiorate into dust? All i really know is I am content with who i am and no one has the right to change how i feel about myself. There is one thing i have always preeched and believed whole heartedly, as i have learned the hard way, that one must not allow someone to manipulate one's self esteem. Although it is a natural consequence of emotional damage, I refuse to allow more of my personality and self esteem decay into a dimming light. I have the potential (and it took me sixteen years to see it) to be someone incredible. I have the essential tools necessary to move on in life, whether it be a natural given or developed. The only thing that holds me back is my sensitivity, depression and fear of failure. I may not know the details of who i am or who i am to become, but i do have a vague understanding of what i believe in and who i was meant to be. My morals and faith were built on a foundation of love, self reliance, and respect. By faith, i do not necessarily mean my faith in God or religion, though that is a big part of my life. By this term, I am reffering to my faith in the human spirit and its capacity to restore the soul; to my faith in myself and my strength. As long as i have my faith (be it in any form) I will have a path to follow. As long as i have my faith, i cannot be blamed for my imperfections. As long as i have my faith, I will not be manipulated or scarred once again.And if you have suffered of anything similar to what i suffered--then all i can tell you is this: It is not your fault, in the same way it was not my fault. It is not my fault i was chosen as the object of ridicule. I could not control my enviornment. But what i could control is what i made of it and who i became.