Chaos or picket fence?

I want the white picket fence and the beautiful sun shining on my freshly cut green lawn. I want the children, brown haired and blue eyed, giggling on the swing set as they reach new worlds with their imagination. I want the perfect marriage: husband coming home with flowers and wearing a glowing smile as I embrace him passionately every day. I want the white picket fence to surround my perfect world. But do I really? Part of me craves insanity accompanied by multicultural chaos, swaying the bright green leaves into the violent wind and pulling the perfectly aligned grass out of its roots. Part of me is exhilarated by the thrill of the vicious storm that lies in my heart and becomes reality. The frenzied flashbacks of fleeting pain are paralleled by the outrageous lightning bolts of blistering fire. I love the confusing mixture of emotions erupting through the blood pumping out of my heart as I am both horrified and amazed by the systematic storm underlying in my heart and sky. Storms are the most powerful and pacifying when our internal pain, sharp and throbbing, is being expelled in the roaring screams and shrieks of the clouds. It is easier to relate to chaos when it flows directly out of your subconscious soul and into the world.